Loving Your Spouse Well
Written by Board Member, Tom Galati
My wife Erin and I recently attended a marriage ceremony for a young couple who we’ve known for several years. The morning of the wedding, I found myself writing several pages of “dos and don’ts” for the newlyweds. I thought they could use some practical advice from someone who has been married for 13+ years...and also someone who has been divorced.
The things I shared were not controversial. As a matter of fact, I doubt anyone reading them would disagree with anything I penned that morning. However, most of us might not take the time to pause and reflect on the importance of many of them. Some of us might feel like our spouses already know we love them, so isn’t that good enough? After all, you buy her flowers every anniversary, right? You declared your love for him or her at the altar on your wedding day so shouldn’t that be enough? God intended for marriage to be a lifelong commitment and therefore it requires a lifelong input of effort and intention.
Below are some of the thoughts I included in my letter. I think they are good reminders for all of us - not just newlyweds:
Keep Jesus in the center of your marriage. Nothing says, “I love you” to a spouse more than praying with them and for them OUT LOUD on a daily basis. Did you know that couples who pray together regularly have a less than 1% divorce rate? Get into a cadence of praying together, and watch your marriage transform.
Out serve each other. Do whatever you can to initiate small gestures of your love and admiration for your spouse. Learn each other’s love language, then serve them in an area that speaks to them directly. Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”
Communicate in love. Words have incredible power, especially words from a spouse. Words can uplift or they can destroy. Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death”. Don’t underestimate the value of sharing words of encouragement. Tell your spouse what you admire about them- and be specific!
Give each other grace. How you handle disagreements can be one of the most important tools you can develop. Stop being critical of the things your spouse does or does not do to your satisfaction. I’ve learned to consider my own flaws when I feel myself being critical of something Erin says or does. I have a lot of things I’m working on to be a better husband, so when I consider my flaws first, my negative thoughts usually drift back down to reality.
Enjoy one another. God didn’t take the time to bring the two of you together just so you can talk about who is taking the kids to soccer practice. He certainly didn’t put the two of you together just so you can go over the monthly bills and nag each other about what you can buy and how much you should spend. The Lord’s intention for marriage was more than checking a box. Marriage is meant to provide a lifelong companion - someone to share in your wins and mourn with you in your losses.
My challenge for you, is before the end of the day, take a moment to pray for your spouse and then do something for him or her that makes them feel valued and cherished - not because of anything they earned, but because the Lord gave them to you as a gift.
